Photo by Staff Sgt. Joe Armas

Senior leaders throughout my career have always told me to live a balanced life. “The Army will get you when it wants you,” they would say. “Take advantage of family time now.”

I once asked a panel of senior leaders – a former member of the National Security Council, a former Service secretary, and a retired commanding general of a combatant command – how they found balance. Without hesitation, they smirked and replied, “At this level, it’s just about impossible.”

In a high operational tempo, high demand, high responsibility career in the military, how do career professionals best find balance?

Achieving balance boils down to how we calculate time. If you are a married Soldier who tries to spend quality time with Family or a single Soldier who wants to enjoy some personal time at the end of the day, you are only looking at 24-hour snapshots in an overly narrow aperture.

If you are a Soldier who adheres to a weekly battle rhythm, it might be more feasible to accommodate several Family or personal events, but you probably still struggle to make it to all the events you would like to attend.

A holistic, broader approach to managing your time can increase your flexibility and, therefore, make your schedule more malleable. It may be more valuable to look at your time in monthly or annual increments and allot the time required to regain the balance you need. In the interim, you must model positive behaviors to those you lead by fighting to attend special family events.

One of the busiest jobs I ever had was as a brigade XO at Fort Bragg — high operational tempo, constantly evolving requirements, etc. Keeping the staff synchronized and meeting the brigade commander’s information requirements was very difficult. In leader development sessions, I often preached the importance of balance; however, it was not until I had a “bad jump” that I realized the level of my hypocrisy.

On a beautiful but breezy April afternoon on a Fort Bragg drop zone, I was injured on a jump. Rather than conducting a proper PLF, I slammed into the ground, was knocked unconscious, and dragged for about 10 minutes before the medics were able to retrieve me. I was severely concussed and, in the weeks and months that followed, I had to “unplug” from all electronic devices. I basically sat in a dark room and reflected … a lot. I pondered the many roles I had in my life — father, husband, friend, officer, Soldier — and realized that I was spending way too much time at work. I was spending very little time on myself, and even less on my Family.  Whereas I always encouraged people to live heroically and find balance, it literally took God thumping me on the back of my head to realize that I needed to get serious about finding balance in my own life.

Modeling New Behavior:  It was time to change and I started by modeling new behavior. A significant emotional event like my “bad” airborne operation served as the catalyst to adjust my personal battle rhythm. I always used to arrive early to the office, but I started spending an extra 30-45 minutes at home reading before coming to work, a quiet period of sipping coffee and reflection. Then I would run to the office, conduct PT, and run back home. Luckily my Family’s school routine occurred mainly between 0730 and 0800, so I could sometimes see my children to the school bus. I would also eat lunch at home with my wife at least once a week and I consistently tried to come home by 1800.  Saturdays and Sundays were Family days and although this was not always possible, I put effort into making time for the things that were important to us.

Initial Military Training:  I am blessed to command an AIT brigade that sends over 10,000 newly-trained Soldiers into the Army every year. The cadre often struggle to find balance, but the brigade prioritizes their time and recognizes the sacrifices they make to ensure their trainees are safe and well-trained. We try to afford everyone 10 days of uninterrupted leave annually — the timing is critical but matching up drill sergeant and instructor teams with AIT cycles often reveals windows of opportunity. Despite arriving before 0400 each day and sometimes leaving as late as 2100, cadre have this “resilience time” to look forward to and plan around with their Families.

Some of the companies even started to include their organization’s leave plan on their training calendars. This demonstrates their commitment to the team’s resilience and provides a model to ensure balance despite the personal commitment required for success.

Below are a few suggestions to help you find the balance you need:

Do whatever is worth your best effort:  Examining your life and your priorities will help you figure out what is truly important. It could be Family, but it could also be college classes, hobbies, or social activities. Whereas it is important to talk about these things with your supervisor, it is even more important to talk about them with the people you lead. As a leader, you must model the behavior you want to see.

Doers do what checkers check:  It is true that organizations adopt the style and personality of their command teams. When a staff officer knocks on a commander’s door at 1830 and finds the command suite empty, it can reinforce the need to manage time and find balance. Some leaders even go so far as to actively encourage such behavior as part of their battle rhythm. Eventually, the doers will catch on and do what the checkers are checking — leaving work.

Protect leave:  When team members go on leave, consider taking their work phones from them. They are more likely to “recharge their batteries” if they are truly unplugged from the organization. If you cannot do without these people for the duration of their leave, then you need to create different conditions and generate leaders who can step up during their absence.  This can be an opportunity for young officers or NCOs to demonstrate their talent and potential, and more than likely, they will rise to the occasion and exceed your expectations.

Finding balance is possible, but it depends on the aperture through which you examine your time. Approaching your life as you would a training schedule — planning ahead and allotting protected time — can be a solution that preserves relationships both on and off duty.

Colonel Charles O’Neal currently serves as a Brigade Commander at Fort Sam Houston, Texas and recently completed the Advanced Strategic Art Program at the U.S. Army War College. He commanded twice at the O5 level and is a graduate of North Georgia College. Follow him on Twitter @pathfinder1o1.