Protests in America have literally been a staple of rectifying inequalities from this nation’s origins. In fact, it has been codified and is protected in the First Amendment of the Constitution as the freedom of speech and freedom of assembly. From the Boston Tea Party to the Civil Rights movement that ended segregation and Jim Crow laws, there have been peaceful protests mixed in with violence.

“If you can’t handle the tough conversations, you can’t handle the tough decisions.”

But ending race-based legislation has not resolved the underlying issues of race. Regardless of the progress made during the Civil Rights movement, recent events have emphasized that we still have a long way to go. Police brutality and killings of unarmed African-Americans combined with the proliferation of smartphones and constant connectivity have awakened many people to the inequality that is still ingrained in our justice system. We have seen a groundswell of “tough conversations” about race, riots, protests, and policing in America in the last week since the murder of George Floyd. Other examples, like the “Central Park Five,” exhibit the impacts of imprisoning innocent men and the ingrained biases of the justice system.

So, why now? The confluence of events (COVID 19, restrictions/quarantine, etc.) feels like an inflection point, but the historical movement has been building for decades. Most recently, Breonna Taylor was shot in her sleep when a no-knock warrant was served on an individual who was already in police custody and only had a loose association with her. She was a young woman cut down in her prime for no conceivable reason. Another unarmed young man, Ahmaud Arbery, was murdered in broad daylight as he went for a run. These and many others have been added to the wrenching list of victims who have died at the hands of institutionalized racism.

I have seen these stories and often thought it was not my problem. I’m personally not racist, my closest ancestors were immigrants to the United States after the Civil War, so what could, or should I do? I’ve thought about conducting discussions about race and biases, but the Marine Corps doesn’t have these problems, right? We promote and award people purely based on performance, or so we tell ourselves.

The modern American military is truly the melting pot where people from every conceivable background come together and work towards unified goals to maintain the best of our American ideals while changing those that need maturing. However, to think that there isn’t racism and other prejudices within our ranks are to willfully put on blinders. Maybe this is why we have not had these “uncomfortable conversations” earlier. But, we have finally begun considering how to produce positive change in a military that is reflective of our entire society.

We see ourselves as the purest form of meritocracy, but the military still has work to do. Besides, the Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines we are charged to lead their families and communities are directly affected by the recent tragedies. As the Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force Kaleth O. Wright shared recently in a Facebook post, he fears that one of his Airmen may be the next to die at the hands of a police officer.

As leaders, we owe it to the young Americans who have volunteered to serve something greater than themselves to listen and to do more to crush prejudice in our ranks today. We also can’t let those conversations die down in the coming days and months, wasting the current opportunity by engaging in superficial, short-lived talks with each other.

So, the tough conversations have to be had, which require us to acknowledge the anger and frustration while providing a space to share experiences. We must challenge our biases and provide tools to be more aware of our spheres of influence. We must reach individuals who think not being racist is enough. Because it never was, and it should not be anymore. Even as we anticipate returning to a new normal after COVID, so, too, we should plan for a better new normal after the violence and protest of the last months, which builds on generations of anger and bitterness.

How do we take the difficult first step of beginning these “uncomfortable conversations” to ensure they are constructive and meaningful? As leaders, we must model the behaviors we expect. We must show empathy and acknowledge our own feelings and biases authentically with the junior leaders in the contact layer, those young officers and Staff Noncommissioned Officers (SNCO).

First, start small and set goals ahead of time. Come together as a team around a dry erase board and leverage the experience of the senior SNCOs.

6/5/2020, by Tyler Quinn (personal collection)

Challenge your expectations about equal opportunity, racial biases, and white privilege. Work out the left and right lateral limits to ensure you don’t end up down the proverbial rabbit hole. There are several resources available; we used Dr. Pauline Shanks Kaurin’s recent blog post, “Help for the Confused: Resources for Challenging Conversations,” and the power of social media connections with Dr. Heather Venable to “plot, plan, strategize, and mobilize” as rapper Killer Mike has said.

Next, we gathered (adhering to social distancing measures and applying health protection requirements) to begin acknowledging the outrage many feel, and the additional burden of disconnectedness being stationed overseas, despite the permeating connectivity of social media. We grounded the conversation in our core values as Marines:

Honor – Respect each other. If someone shares something from their past, acknowledge the impact of that, and appreciate them for it, but we shouldn’t expect others to share what could be very hurtful memories.

Courage – Look introspectively first and get ready to wrestle with some uncomfortable ideas, examine why those ideas are uncomfortable, and determine what you can do about it.

Commitment – Put feelings and words into action. Educate yourself by reading a book, listening to a podcast, or watching a documentary about history and race in America. Carry the conversation forward, then continue to improve your sphere of influence where and when you can.

We also recognized the core values of American ideals, as laid out in the Constitution and Declaration of Independence. We also admitted that, as a society, we have not always lived up to these ideals. We have a challenging past, but we also recognize America is still worth fighting for. We reminded everyone of the oath we swore to support and defend the Constitution.

Before opening the floor, we set some ground rules. They may seem painfully obvious, but it helps solidify what is acceptable and what is not:

1. Respect the person talking, one at a time.
2. If you disagree with an idea, address that. NO personal attacks.
3. Actively listen, put yourself in others’ shoes, and really try to see it from another perspective.

Finally, do what senior leaders should inherently do best. We set the conditions; then we needed to get out of the way and listen, only moderating when necessary. We wanted to set some goals, but allow the group to take ownership. In some instances, people wanted to respond to a point made, and it’s important to circle back to allow them to add to the conversation. Sometimes, people said something completely false, and often other members of the group would correct the statement. If they did not correct it, the moderator would address the statement with facts.

Mostly, the moderator kept the conversation from stalling, or going off into an area that wasn’t really relevant, or added context by reminding the group of the larger picture. Acknowledge the emotions, support each other through the challenges, and seek ways to make connections by linking different feedback together. As a moderator, it helps to take notes so you can call back to a point someone else made; this also helps you provide some wrap-up comments at the end. However, the point isn’t always to resolve something. Our group’s goal was to exhibit empathetic leadership for our junior officers and SNCO.

Given our battalion’s command culture, we wanted the Sergeant Major to be the lead moderator. As the senior enlisted member, he already has the role of bridging the enlisted and officer ranks. The key to ensuring a good conversation is that the moderator be trusted by all. Even with a good moderator, it can be tough to break the ice and get some momentum.

The influence of the moderator allowed some of the more uncomfortable topics to come to the surface. It is important to recognize that it is uncomfortable to talk about race, but we should also try to understand why that is. Typically, the discomfort comes from the light being shone on our own biases that leads us to the realization that we aren’t as objective or enlightened as we might have once thought. We may even realize that our personal actions, or inaction, have hurt others. Especially in conversations about race, it’s important to acknowledge this reality and to seek ways towards understanding and continued growth. It may be hard to measure, but some measurements of growth could include people seeing their own biases, or changing their daily language to be more inclusive.

Facilitating can be difficult for senior leaders because we often want to lead the discussion ourselves or teach through our own experiences. But, the main goal of our session was to listen, to ask more questions to help us and the other Marines understand, to wrestle with thoughts and feelings, and to provide our Marines a space to be heard.

To keep it simple, we opened by asking “who’s angry and why?” It’s somewhat obvious, but as the conversation progressed, several Marines shared their personal stories, allowing us to ask additional, open-ended questions, such as “what are some examples of positive actions we can take?”, or “why do you think we are still discussing racism?” Eventually, we got closer to the heart of the matter, because the goal was not to draw out personal experiences, although we did need to acknowledge the significance of those who bravely shared.

Sometimes the topics get “too big” for the room, and it may feel like the problem has been going on too long and the situation is hopeless. At that point, the leaders and moderators should remind the group that it’s about personal growth first. Recognize and seek ways to be more intentional with your own sphere of influence. You don’t have to change the world, you just have to try and change the world around you. Once the conversation gains momentum and people feel like they are in a space they can share and be heard, it may seem like it could go on for hours, but eventually, you have to stop for the day.

Ending the conversation may be the hardest thing to do. You want to ensure everyone has an opportunity to be heard. You want to resolve a multitude of topics. At some point you have to end it and allow for reflection and digestion of everything that was shared; use your best judgment and find a natural stopping point. Summarizing is not necessary, but at a minimum, you should recognize and thank all for their courage to share.

Also, encourage them to continue their own research and provide some tools. Dr. Shanks Kaurin’s aforementioned blog has several good resources. The Cognitive Bias Codex created by Better Humans and The Foundation for Critical Thinking is also excellent starting points for developing better ways of how to think. Many streaming services are also providing free screenings or recommended lists of films focused on race. I watched 13^th and LA 92 recently, and both films were helpful in understanding the deeper history and context of the current events.

So now what? A common refrain we heard was, “so what do we DO about it?” One of the best things you can do is continue educating and conversing. Make it a regular event, whether it be weekly or monthly find what works for you and your unit. The main thing is to keep it going. Look for other resources to use in future conversations: there are countless articles available lately that provide fodder for discussions. Offer podcasts like Code Switch from NPR, or use history podcasts as homework. These can provide a common topic that focuses on the next conversation. Using media as the foundation can allow the dialogue to cover important topics while allowing the space to avoid personal anecdotes if needed.

Regardless of the format or forum, continue the “uncomfortable conversations.” Eventually, they won’t be as uncomfortable. As leaders we owe that to the people we are responsible to lead. Start in the mirror and seek your own growth; lead by example. If you do this, you will foster an authentic cohesion and solidarity in the unit. Most importantly, you’ll set these young Americans on a path of being positive change agents as they eventually transition back to civilian life. We can progress this great experiment called America, but it starts with the first “uncomfortable conversation.” It’s never too late, so start now.

Title photo:  10/19/2017, Photo by Sgt Tiffany Edwards, USMC (https://www.dvidshub.net/image/3895910/3d-mlg-cg-visits-marines-during-korean-marine-exchange-program-181)

Major Tyler Quinn is currently the Executive Officer at 3d Law Enforcement Battalion on Okinawa, Japan. As a military police officer, he has deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan and served at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego. He is a graduate of Marine Corps Expeditionary Warfare School, and Command and Staff College. He can be found on Twitter @tc_quinn07. The views in this article are his personal views and do not reflect the views or opinions of the United States Marine Corps, or the Department of Defense.