Photo by Sgt. Michael J. MacLeod
As officers (both commissioned and non-commissioned) our personal and professional lives are bound together, trying to split them apart is an exercise in futility. The real question isn’t how to achieve a nirvana-like balance between personal and professional time – it’s determining WHY we feel the need to work the hours that we do. Once we answer that question for ourselves, we own it as grown men and women. I offer a few points to my fellow officers: the Army is a profession, but not an excuse to neglect yourself or your family; bottom line, it’s about how much you get done, not the hours spent at work; ensure you aren’t wasting your own time or that of your unit; do the routine things, routinely; make time to think about the next set of objectives; trust and invest in systems; and lastly, know your red lines.
This is a profession, one that deals with risking and taking life. As a commissioned or noncommissioned officer, you volunteered for a different lifestyle. This career demands we dedicate ourselves not just to enduring physical hardship, but that we also maintain a sharp mind and pursue a lifelong study (you’re only as good as your NEXT fight). This does not, however, automatically relegate us to a monastic warrior’s life. We serve the United States of America, not the Knights Templar. If you choose to get married and raise a family, do so with eyes open as to what the military lifestyle demands of a spouse and children. You accept responsibility for your family’s well-being, as well as that of the Soldiers you lead – do not use one to excuse neglect of the other. One of the best pieces of advice I received from my father, a 29-year naval officer, was that eventually the DOD will be done with all of us – if we are lucky, our family will be there at the end of our career to continue the rest of our lives.
Bottom line, it’s about the deliverables. Truthfully, you’re not judged by how many hours you put in, or even how hard you’re trying. This may endear you to others but will not determine if you’re rated above your peers. Your boss won’t rate you on how late you’re working, they’ll rate you on how many problems they have to fix for you. What matters is how much you get done! This requires us to actually prioritize and plan beyond the “right now.” Too often, I see leaders convince themselves that they are the only one putting their fingers in the proverbial dam. Truthfully, if you’re always in a knife fight as a field grade officer – you’re doing something wrong (this doesn’t mean you won’t frequently feel that you’re behind the curve). Your supervisors will remember a few things more than your car always being in the lot: they’ll remember if your battalion/brigade constantly submitting unforecasted land/ammo requests at the last minute; if your commander constantly asks his boss to sign awards/evaluations “right now” so Soldiers can receive them on time; and if your unit leads the division in ORILS not being turned in causing funds to not be available for repair parts.
Many leaders enjoy the knife fight, it makes us feel more critical (“Man, I had to fix that for everyone again!”) while not really focusing on what we should be doing. Ask yourself a few questions when you’re frustrated about how much time you’re putting in: Am I managing my time and that of the unit, or am I wasting it and waiting to react? Do I have a plan to plan with milestones for key events? Am I using the training/command and staff meetings to set conditions for the unit, or am I just trying to get the slides done before the boss sits down? Am I focusing my team on what my commander and higher headquarters have told me to do, or my own pet projects?
As a battalion and brigade S3 I failed frequently. I had to call higher to get land/ammo resourced at the last minute. I had to rewrite orders I thought were clear but really just confused the hell out of everyone. This will happen. You’ll eat crow in public and work hard and late sometimes to get things back on track. Keeping a few things in mind helped minimize these bad periods: pay your bosses first and don’t waste time arguing simple tasks or trying to circumvent higher; do the routine things by establishing personal ownership and recurring touch points for critical systems (training resources, ORILS, awards, etc.) and let your subordinates know during counseling what systems you charge them with maintaining; block time on your calendar to think deep on your whiteboard during duty hours – then ask your team to come look at your ideas (these become COA shells you bring to MDMP); and trust the MDMP –you’ll save time in the end by developing better orders, hopefully minimizing last-minute challenges.
Lastly, find and hold to your personal red lines. For me, I try to minimize work on weekends. We try to keep Saturdays and Sundays as predictable family time. That means I work later on most Thursdays and Fridays to clear my desk before the next week. That means I may have to miss dinner or my daughter’s bedtime, but I’m not heading back into to office or locking myself to the laptop on the weekend if I can help it. For others, Friday’s are family dinners, so they make that happen and come back Sat/Sun to make up the difference. It will be a unique set of answers for everyone and depends on what job you’re in and what phase your family is going through. Be conscientious about it and don’t expect your boss to figure it out for you. You’re done getting any jobs that will get any easier, so don’t fall for the trap of telling your family “once I get to my next job I’ll make it up to you.”
I’ll offer that we all should feel lucky to do what we do. I tell people frequently that being a battalion and brigade Major was an absolute blast, and it was! In the end, your own balance of your personal and professional self is up to you. Our profession and lifestyle are different because we defend our country and bear the weight of ensuring our units are ready for combat. One day though, we all will leave the Army, if we do it right we’ll have friends and family there to face whatever that next phase brings us.
Dan Hodermarsky currently serves as a planner in US Army Japan. From 2015-2017 he was a Battalion and Brigade S3 in 3-69 Armor and 1st ABCT, 3rd Infantry Division at Fort Stewart and in Europe supporting Operation Atlantic Resolve.